It’s That Season Again…Not Holidays, But Horseradish

First of all, sorry for the TERRIBLY LONG OVERDUE post. Seriously. So much has changed since I’ve last blogged, and I’m sorry I’ve been too busy to keep you all updated. The food challenges are going well (yes, I will recap them, no I haven’t any failures as of late!), and life is generally good.

But I’m inspired to blog tonight because I’m frustrated with my body, and blog and body share two of the same letters, so I figured this was the answer.

I’ve decided I’m entitled to a handful of “woe is me” posts a year, so consider this the (hopefully) cap of 2013’s.

It’s horseradish season again. I remember this starting last year in February, and I was all mentally prepared for that — the halting of grocery shopping, the need to rely on others, not really eating half the foods I can eat because they’re too close to horseradish in the supermarket, the fear of impending death every time I went into Whole Foods. That was February Cindy’s problem…or so I thought.

On Thursday night, I went to Whole Foods to buy an eggplant, and they were next to mushrooms and on top of lettuce, and I called my mom asking how to navigate the situation when I noticed that diagonally under the eggplants was my enemy: HORSERADISH. Like, a ton of it. Where it usually isn’t, at least not in that abundance.

So I ran. I ran away from the offending root toward the fruit section where I saw pomegranates that I’m mildly airborne allergic to and ran farther and started to cry.

I didn’t leave the store with an eggplant. I figured out how to make eggplant/zuchinni parmigiana, though, so WIN! (I’m trying so hard to be peppy and positive. Probably helps that I just slayed Superbass in my totally sane “rap to see if you’re breathing well” diagnosis).

Anyway, I cried about the horseradish and its early resurgence into my world for a while. Not just horseradish, but this reminder that the littlest things can be so hard for me, for all of the people who have food allergies, especially airborne allergies. That going to regular places is a life-risk. It’s not like, “Oh let me grab some groceries.” It’s “Oh, I need to grab some groceries, hope I make it out okay and can spend the rest of my day as planned and not in bed, or worse.” Plus, sometimes I just want to eat. And when my airborne allergies make it harder to eat the things I can eat because of their proximity or my getting sick, it’s just horrible. I feel helpless and hungry.

Tonight, I wanted to spend time with a friend who was hungry, and I accompanied her to a restaurant. I was fine staving off my own hunger to join her where I couldn’t eat. That’s par for the course, and I’m fucking Tiger Woods of this restaurant golf metaphor. But then I wasn’t fine. I could feel the avocado and lettuce of her salad on my tongue. I’m usually okay around those if the space is big enough, but those allergies are the kind that you don’t know until you know, and I knew. We moved outside where I could get more air and less avocado. But to no avail. My tongue was prickly, my throat was hurting, my thoughts slowing down. I felt like I had at the moment before my doctor stopped me at my avocado challenge way back when.

So I came home. In tears. Because I wanted to hang out with her. I wanted to then come home and eat dinner. But I have to wait for the Benedryl to kick in first so whatever I eat next doesn’t get conflated with the previous poisons. Because my body does that. It loves to have allergic reactions all the livelong day to foods that are generally fine because it lives on the tipping point. If my body were a Lady Gaga song it would be “The Edge of Allergy.”

I should be able to be around my friends when they eat without dictating their diets (and making them feel guilty for something they didn’t do wrong — J, you are TOTALLY entitled to your dinner, and if you feel bad for even a second I will feel worse). I should be able to have normal social interactions. I should be able to eat dinner when I damn please and grocery shop, too, and get along just fine. And 99% of the time, I do.

But it’s horseradish season.

And I’m the one who has to hibernate.*

*I may be overdramatizing. But hey. It’s a good closer.

Food Challenge 15: Cindy vs. Avocado

Spoiler alert/disclaimer

I am writing this post while on 100mg of Benadryl (normal dose is 50) and a shot of epi. So forgive me if it’s not entirely coherent.

I tried an avocado today. I thought it would go well because it didn’t show up as an allergy on my blood test, but I’d had reactions in the past (I haven’t eaten an avocado in about 7 years, maybe more) so we decided to challenge it anyway. But I figured I’d be eating guacamole all week! (Well, three times, anyway).

Avocados don’t taste as good as I remember, first of all. I was grimacing the entire time I was eating it, and finally started to feel sick about 3/4 of the way through. The doctor stopped me and told me to take Benadryl, as he could see I was not responding well.

“But the blood tests were negative!” I told him.

He told me it’s a different kind of reaction – an oral allergy, not a food allergy – wherein I’m not allergic to avocado the food, but the pollen of the birch tree that’s found in avocado. It’s just as real, just as painful, but not technically a “food” allergy and also cannot result in anaphylaxis. But it can result in crazy swelling, which it did. Throat, tongue, eyes, ears, lips. I didn’t puff up bc I took the Benadryl fast enough but my eyes were so crazy it was impossible to keep them open. They gave me a  half dose of epi with the 5o mg of Benadryl to see how that was.

My first epi ever, by the way. 26 years of dozens of food allergies and I just lost my epinephrine virginity today. Not bad. It’s not as scary as I thought, though the nurse administered a shot to my shoulder, not a pen through my jeans. The epi made me shake so the nurse had to hold my legs down, but it was ok. Shaking meant it was working.

Well, sort of. I was getting worse and more swollen and my mouth was burning and I felt like I had bronchitis, my throat was so inflamed. They gave me more Benadryl – a shot in my hip, this time – and when that didn’t do the full trick, the rest of the dose of epi. I fell asleep for a little while (2o minutes) and woke up feeling less swollen and, while still shitty, out of the woods. I was at the doctor for a total of 3 hours. I wasn’t allowed to drive, but luckily I got a ride (thanks, M!) and I’ve been ordered to stay in bed all day and check in first thing tomorrow morning with the doctor.

So how does it feel to have an allergic reaction? It feels cloudy and overwhelming and exhausting and like there is a beast inside of you that is eating you from the inside and it can’t come out. But the epi shoots the beast in the head and all is well except you’re dizzy, disoriented, and still exhausted. I can barely walk without holding on to something, and I’m out of it in a way I haven’t been in a while, but hey. I survived the food, learned more about allergies, and learned that epipens are, as advertised, a good thing. Oh, and having an allergist take care of you instead of an ER doctor is a dream come true. Well, sort of. I mean, it’s better to not need any care, but that’s not a reality I’m aware of.

So the unofficial fruit of California and I are not going to be friends unless I get environmental allergy shots for the birch tree and try this again. But at least avocados are green and easily found, right?

FOOD CHALLENGE TALLY

Cindy: 10

Allergens: 5

Up Next: TBD, since the doctor’s office is closed for the holidays!