New blog series with Food Equality Initiative!

Exciting news! I’m going to be blogging for Food Equality Initiative, an awesome non-profit dedicated to increasing access to safe foods for people who need them most. They launched the first-ever allergy friendly food pantry — most food pantries do not offer enough safe foods for food allergic families. The organization also advocates for amending the WIC food package to be more inclusive for people with food allergies — many of the permitted foods in the WIC shopping guide contain major allergens (dairy, wheat, soy, peanuts, eggs) and the substitutions many people with allergies rely on are not allowed. Those substitutions tend to be more expensive, meaning people who already rely need to rely on government support for access to food need additional funds to purchase safe foods. I am very lucky to not have to worry about affording my diet; especially given my uncommon allergies, I would have very little access to safe food if I needed government assistance. Families should NOT have to choose between anaphylaxis and starvation because of their economic status. Everyone deserves access to healthy food, whatever healthy means for them.

The first blog series I’ll be collaborating on is called Food Allergies Give You Superpowers. Check out the teaser post here. As difficult as living with food allergies can be, there are some benefits, and this series will explore those often overlooked superpowers.

Thanks a lot, FDA. You just made life harder for 32 million of us with food allergies.

If you or someone you know (that isn’t me) suffers from food allergies, you need to be aware of the latest guidelines from the FDA that allow food manufacturers to make substitutions in their product ingredients without changing their labels. The guidelines offer protections for the Top 8 allergens, but since 170 foods are known to cause allergic reactions, that’s not quite enough, nor does it cover people who are severely allergic to things like peanuts and soy even in refined peanut oil and soy lecithin.

I wrote a longer piece about this, and started a petition to demand the FDA revise its guidelines. Please share this widely so we can save lives!

Social Distancing, COVID-19, and Food Allergies

One of the consequences I didn’t expect from COVID-19 was not having access to Xolair. My doctor’s office had to close because most if not all of the patients are immunocompromised (allergy and immunology go hand in hand). I’m not 100% sure when I’ll get my next dose or how my body will fare as the medicine depletes from my system, so I’m buckling down and heading back in time – to when this blog was more active – and making sure I’m extra careful and diligent so as not to wind up in an ER experiencing anaphylaxis. It’s especially fun given that it’s horseradish season – hooray for Passover! – so even with Xolair, it’s the most allergic time of year for me. Spring and horseradish. And now a pandemic. What can go wrong?

But I don’t want to focus on the fear or negativity. I’m trying to feel empowered. To that end, I wrote a piece for Medium about how the tricks I’ve learned over the years to avoid allergens are coming in handy in this socially distanced society.

When the world gives you horseradish, you can make maror (bitter herbs) or you can make…well, hope.

Interview with Kitch’N Giggles

I was recently interviewed by Kitch’N Giggles, a brand new meal kits targeted at families with young kids about my experience living with allergies. Check it out here!

Helping out in the kitchen at a young age really helped me figure out how to prepare delicious meals quickly when I was diagnosed with such severe allergic shock that I couldn’t eat any processed foods. I learned so much from watching my mom and my aunt cook and invent recipes on the fly. Allergies are so much less scarier when you know how to cook and truly understand the ingredients you’re using.

That’s what’s so great about Kitch’N Giggles. The meal kit is designed for busy parents to make healthy meals with fresh ingredients with their kids. It’s fun and productive for the whole family and instills a joy of cooking in children at a young age. Yum!

Wearing a Scarf in the Grocery Store

I’m taking a writing class, and wrote a rant last week when I had to deal with the drama of paying out of pocket for my Epi-pen to replace my Auvi-Q. The rant kind of broke me, and maybe some day I’ll post a version of it here, but for now, I want to keep it tucked away in that spot in my mind where the realities of anaphylaxis live.

In the rant, though, I referenced having to wear scarves at the grocery store, and this caught the attention of my workshop peers. They wanted to know more about that experience, and their curiosity piqued my interest, because I’m not really sure what there is to say. You know when you do something that you find to be virtually mundane and someone says, “wow, that’s interesting?” and then you think about it, and you think, “oh, I guess it is interesting.” Like when someone is friends with a celebrity, and to them the celebrity is just their buddy but to the rest of the world, it’s Brad Pitt. (No, I don’t know any of Brad Pitt’s friends).

Me, in one of my scarves.

Me, in one of my scarves.

So, “Wearing Scarves in the Grocery Store: a decidedly curious exploration of what having airborne allergies is like” 

When I was younger, only one of my allergies was airborne, but I don’t think I ever used that word. The allergen was, of course, horseradish. My experience of its airborne-ness was that the one time a year we ate it, on Passover, I would leave the house when my mother would grate it. I was fine with it out and grated, but during the grating, no matter where I was in the house, I would get sick. It was the perfect time to do errands before the Passover Seder. It never once bothered me to the leave the house; I actually looked forward to it as my special break to go do errands and report back on what I saw in the ruckus outside.

When I was 15, I began to experience more airborne allergies. Specifically, to cabbage. I surmise, though there’s no way to verify it, that it was the stench of September 11 that affected my body. There were all sorts of FEMA indications that people with asthma and allergies would have worsened symptoms, so it was unsurprising to me that constant exposure to cole slaw that summer on my teen tour of the West Coast led to mild reactions. Mild meaning headaches, dizziness. Nothing too crazy by my standards, but my standards are, well, not typical.

In college, over exposure in the dining halls made my allergens worsen significantly. My list of airborne allergens grew to include all leafy greens. That was fun. When I went to the grocery store, I would simply avoid the section with the lettuce, and stay on the other side of vegetable aisle. If I was lucky — and I often was, as I tended to grocery shop in college with friends or at home with my mom — I stayed outside of the vegetable aisle all together and hung out in the adjacent aisle reading boxes of things. I didn’t always want to read boxes, and often insisted on trying my luck with the vegetables (“oh, I’ll just stand near the tomatoes…”there’s this thing called denial that’s really important) but my friends and family were really good at protecting me from myself.

And then I moved to LA, and lived alone, and had to grocery shop alone. Which was fine for a while. I could run through the aisles quickly, I could cover my nose and mouth if I ever had to pass the lettuce section. And then, it was 2012, and I started this blog because my allergies got crazy worse, and also kale and horseradish got more en vogue, and grocery shopping became harder.

I would go to the vegetable aisle and break out in hives, or have my throat swell. I would pop Benadryl in the supermarket, but then be all woozy while I shopped. It was totally unproductive. I was incredibly fortunate to have a friend offer to go shopping for me — really, N, you saved my life and my sanity a lot, and I am forever indebted — but sometimes I would forget I needed an ingredient and have to go myself. If it was between February and May, and horseradish was in season, all bets were off. I talked to my doctor about options. He suggested I wear a surgical mask. But since I don’t live in Singapore, I really didn’t want to. I have pride, you know? What was I going to do, go to the Whole Foods in Beverly Hills looking like I was scared of SARS?

But then I thought of scarves. Really, scarves are a genius invention. I often wore scarves to work because it was an easy way to dress up a T-shirt for the office, and I’d be damned if I was going to sit at a desk for 10+ hours in a fancy shirt. But scarves can also double as face masks. So, I would put on a scarf if I was planning to go grocery shopping, and in the vegetable aisle, I would lift the scarf to cover my mouth and nose. Not the chicest look, but less awkward than a surgical mask!

Sometimes, though, if I forgot a scarf, or had a last minute trip, I’d run into trouble. I broke down in tears a few times when I realized I wasn’t wearing a scarf and was really hungry and needed food and couldn’t decide what was a better option: eating less or worse food for dinner or braving the grocery store. How fast could I run in and out of the aisle? Six seconds? You should see me shop, by the way. I’m like the Flash. Lightning fast. In and out and don’t linger.

Now, though, I don’t need the scarf. That’s the biggest thing Xolair has brought to my life. Sure, it’s nice to eat spinach salad (usually I pick out the spinach), and it’s really nice to sit in restaurants, but it’s SO NICE TO GROCERY SHOP WITHOUT A SCARF. It’s nice to be able to go to this tiny little produce market with no windows or non-produce aisles and examine my fruits and vegetables before plopping them in my basket. Even with the scarf, I used to just take from the middle (less likely to cross contaminate) and run. I would still avoid shelves too crowded with allergens — like if eggplants, which are absorbent, were next to broccoli, I wouldn’t buy eggplant. Which was hard, because I can’t really eat that much to begin with, and my diet has to stay varied, and eggplant is really important structurally to my meal plans. That’s past Cindy’s problem, though. With Xolair, and its mitigation of my allergies, I can pop by a store on a scarfless whim and buy an eggplant no matter where its staged on the shelf.

In fact, I haven’t worn most of my scarves in a while. Except on airplanes. I don’t want to be caught with stale air on a flight where someone decides to eat wasabi snacks (now sold in LAX!) and tempt fate. But my grocery scarves are now travel scarves, and who knows…some day they might just be scarves…

And side note: the writing group is a Muslim/Jewish writing group, and it’s really interesting to me that I’ve found ways to incorporate scarves into my wardrobe for a totally non-fashion related reason, and many of my Muslim friends do the same to cover their heads for prayer. While I was thinking, “I can’t leave my house without a scarf today” I’m glad to know I had friends-to-be-made that were doing the same, creating a kind of retroactive kinship.

Auvi-Q Recall…And What It’s Like To Be Tethered to Medicine

First of all, sorry I haven’t written in forever. I think about it a lot, about how much there is to say, and yet, this part of my journey — the part where Xolair makes life easier but not perfect, where pollen is kicking my ass, where I feel the affects of Prednisone for months and yet am healthier than I’ve ever been — it’s all too confusing for me to focus on.

But then the news comes along, first with an article in the NY Times (I won’t even link to it, it broke my soul too much) about how some woman in Portland is warding off allergies by pre-emptively feeding her kid bamba, a noble pursuit minus the fact that it made me feel like shit for still having allergies (EVEN THOUGH I’VE EATEN MY SHARE OF BAMBA AND THERE ARE ALLERGIES TO THINGS THAT AREN’T PEANUTS AND JUST BC YOUR KIDS ATE BAMBA AND DON’T HAVE ALLERGIES DOESN’T MEAN THEY WOULD HAVE MAYBE NEXT TIME READ THE STUDY MORE CAREFULLY BECAUSE NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR PARENTING RULES) and then with the even more devastating news that Auvi-Qs, the epi-pen of the future, has been recalled.

http://www.news.sanofi.us/2015-10-28-Sanofi-US-Issues-Voluntary-Nationwide-Recall-of-Auvi-Q-Due-to-Potential-Inaccurate-Dosage-Delivery

First of all, it’s a bummer that I have to go back to the regular epi-pen, because the one time I needed to use an epi-pen out on the road without the supervision of a doctor AND in an actual life-threatening situation, the Auvi-Q’s voice technology saved me. I was in my office surrounded by coworkers with earphones in, and the thing that perked them up to take me to the hospital was the sound “INJECTION COMPLETE.” I had no breath, no voice to tell them I was in danger, so a regular epi-pen would have stalled the hospital-going process. And given LA traffic and the rule of get to the hospital within about 15 minutes, stalling was not an option.

But more importantly: if you use an Auvi-Q, get an Epi-pen stat

And then the non-PSA reason for this post.

I don’t think of myself as sick. Not usually. And then these things pop up, these things like “tomorrow morning before you even brush your teeth call your doctor to get an epi-pen prescription because your old Auvi-Qs that aren’t recalled expire on 10/31 and the new ones won’t do you much good, and what if you die?” or like earlier this morning, when I went for a walk/jog and had to figure out how to carry my Auvi-Qs and benadryl sans purse. Most people can just take their keys and phone and stick them in one of those runner bands, but I don’t have a runner band for my medicine, and if I need it and I’m without it, that’s life or death.

I’m tethered to this medicine. I’m blessed because there is medicine, and it’s not lost on me that if I had these allergies in the olden days survival of the fittest would have meant I’d be long gone. I’m so grateful there are alternatives like Epi-pen. What a wonderful world of choices and pharmaceutical competition we live in. What medical privilege.

But there’s a harsh reality.

I can die at any moment, not just in the ways everyone else can, but in those ways and then from stray horseradish or whatever other non-poison poisons there are.

Thank you, Sanofi, for the humbling experience.

And hey, do better next time, k? Because it’s late and windy and I want to fade into sleep without confronting the fragility of my human experience.

Food Challenge Round 46: Cindy vs Lettuce

So I may have skipped the recaps of a few challenges. Not for any particular reason, probably. Just life, and a bunch were repeats. So here’s a quick recap before we get to the shining star moment that has changed my life and one of my ice breaker “fun facts” hopefully forever!

Since Xolair, and post spinach and lox, I’ve challenged sesame, hummus, pickles (cucumbers + dill), and cooked blueberries to great success. I also challenged raw broccoli to a lack of success, but I didn’t get sick, either — just had that feeling where my body said “stop” and my doctor looked at the way I was contorting my face and said “stop” so I stopped and went home sad because I’d been literally dreaming about eating broccoli. But all’s well, because I can still challenge it cooked at some point.

So then, today. We’re about a year into Xolair, which is crazy! I decided to challenge romaine lettuce, because Passover is coming, and it’s been really painful for me to not be able to participate in the ritual in which romaine lettuce (known as maror) is consumed in memory of the Hebrew slaves’ bitter lives in Egypt. Fine, so it’s not the most fun ritual in all of Judaism, but there’s something about being excluded from a religious practice that’s hurtful. It’s hard to describe if you haven’t felt it before. It’s not that I will “get in trouble with God” if I don’t eat maror — quite the opposite — but it feels strange to watch other people do this thing, this important thing designed to build on a connected tradition, and know that doing so can kill you. That this avenue is not an avenue you can take to connect. So I wanted to at least give romaine a try before Passover in the hopes that this year, I can partake in the ritual for the first time in years, and for the first time ever without getting sick.

And, drumroll…I can! And to quote the amazing Gina Rodriguez of Jane the Virgin fame, I can and I will!

Much like with spinach, I began the challenge by turning over a lettuce leaf in my fingers. Feeling its curves. Experiencing its texture. Finally, after singing comforting songs to myself to eradicate my fear of lettuce, I ate it. Six leaves worth. It was delicious! I could literally feel the nutrients I have been deprived of for so long coursing through my body. If that sounds ridiculous, it’s because it is. And I don’t much care, because it’s how I felt. I feel healthy and vibrant and peppy and I cannot wait to eat more lettuce.

I’m limited to six leaves at a time, three times a week, because Xolair is a miracle drug but not a cure. But that’s fine. Six leaves of lettuce, five leaves of spinach, and some tomatoes, peppers, and dressing? That’s a side salad if I ever heard of one.

I’m going to eat salad. Salad that isn’t driven by corn.

WHAT?

I am in complete disbelief, still. But a thrilled disbelief.

For so long, I’ve been introduced to people as Cindy, the girl who can’t eat lettuce. We can leave the emotional baggage of that for another time, but for now…I’m excited to see which random identifying factor people choose now.

Cindy, the girl who lived (after eating lettuce, not after a curse from Voldemort #spoileralert #sorrynotsorry).

POST-XOLAIR FOOD CHALLENGE TALLY

Cindy: 7

Allergens: 2 (but it was more of a draw)

Up Next: Cottonseed oil

There is lettuce in my hand. And no hives on my chest. This, my friends, is the magic of Xolair.

There is lettuce in my hand. And no hives on my chest. This, my friends, is the magic of Xolair.

Gratitude

It’s been a while since I last posted — not because I haven’t had much happen (many more foods, many more Xolair successes) but because I’ve been trying to figure out how to recap the massive life change that Xolair has been to my life. We’ll get to that soon, but for now, a snippet.

I’ve had a rough few weeks. A termite infestation in my apartment has led me to be far more allergic than I have been since starting Xolair. For those of you who may be wondering, “Hey am I allergic to termites?” the answer is: could be. Termite feces collect dust at a high rate, apparently, which can exacerbate dust allergies. So it’s been fun vacuuming (but not too much so that the various inspectors won’t see where the termites are/were/come from) and itching and scratchy throating.

The good news is: the exterminators are finally coming for real (I hope) this week. Which means I have to clean out my apartment. Which means I stumbled upon some gems of the past.

Like expired Benedryl.

I have an allergy drawer filled with claritin, allegra, zyrtec, and benedryl. I have tons of benedryl, because I don’t want to run out and my reactions had typically involved me taking 100 mg every 2-4 hours. Or, like a pack a reaction. So I stock up, especially since it’s hard to find the brand name non-liqui-gels where I live, and the off-brand ones aren’t as effective for me and I’m allergic to the liqui-gels.

I threw out a TON of expired benedryl. Which, for a girl who was always running low, is a huge accomplishment. My reactions have been so much fewer, my diet more stable, Xolair so helpful, and my instincts much greater that I simply did not need to take nearly as much benedryl as usual. I also realize I haven’t purchased allerga since 2012. I used to have to take zyrtec and allerga daily and a claritin when things got really bad. But that’s not the case anymore. An empty bottle of Allegra that expired a year ago is all I needed to see that I am done with that phase.

Even though I’ve been sick these past few weeks, in general, I’m getting better. Better physically and better at keeping myself safe. My medicine is expiring without me having to use it.

#gratitude