Benadryl, Epipen, and…Nicki Minaj?

When you have food allergies, people tell you you’re crazy all the time. Not in those words, per se, but they imply it’s all in your head. Which is super frustrating, especially when you start to believe that. When you resist care because you assume you must be crazy. I mean, if you think about, potentially dying, like immediately, because you ate a peanut is a little strange, especially when most of the population eats peanuts all the time.

So aside from reacting like this:

Amazing cartoon courtesy of

Amazing cartoon courtesy of

I find that I’ve also developed other coping mechanisms. Little checks to see if the allergy is in my head or real. Is it just a panic attack or is my throat actually tight? Is chest tightness accompanying my hives because my chest is actually getting tight, or are the hives making me so scared I’m having a panic reaction? In other words: do I need to go to the hospital or do I need to get a grip and put on some steroid cream, pop some Benadryl, and move about my daily business.

What are these checks, you may ask? Well, there’s one I use all the time, and it’s terribly unscientific but it totally works.

I rap.

And not just any rap.

I rap Superbass by Nicki Minaj.

I know her hair may look like Benadryl, but Nicki Minaj is not a remedy for food allergies. At least not a doctor approved one.

I know her hair may look like Benadryl, but Nicki Minaj is not a remedy for food allergies. At least not a doctor approved one.

Now, I’ve alluded to this behaviour before, but at the time I thought it was a one time check. But as I found myself staring at my hives in the bathroom mirror rapping Superbass earlier this evening when my dinner caused a hives breakout, it dawned on me that this rap test has become a regular occurrence.

And it sort of makes sense. Because you need a lot of breath control to rap. And if your airwaves are closing, you don’t have breath control. So if I can get through the first verse of Superbass without stopping for air, I know I’m not having a potentially fatal reaction.

You’d think I’d be a better rapper by now.

Oh, and because disclaimers are cool: Don’t try this at home. Be smarter than I am, and seek medical attention. Don’t let the fools who don’t believe in allergies mess with your head that you find yourself on the brink of death. Because, you know, Nicki might be awesome, but she’s not that awesome.

5 responses

  1. Hahaha! I love this! And I get those feelings in my head when I have a reaction, too — like is this totally just in my head? And I play games with myself to “prove” whether it’s a reaction or not …. not rapping, because I’m not that cool. but yeah.

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